When a marriage is coming to an end, we have a tendency to start picking at the other person, internally if not externally. We start to get tunnel vision and we only see the flaws as we build the case for our separation.
I offer 2 videos for you today, the second one of which was extracted from the full interview:
It’s time to Stop the Blame Game: Lifting the Veil on Mature Divorce
Were you Under the Influence of “Romantiganda?”
Breaking the covenant is especially difficult because the promise of Until Death do Us Part is meant to mean physical death of one of the partners. When our souls call us to something else before that event, when the natural arc of the relationship is coming to an end, we don’t easily recognize what is actually happening so we tend to get very grumbly. Sometimes the issues are reconcilable, and sometimes they are not.
The problem arises when you get stuck in blaming “him” on the way out and long after the marriage ends. He was, he did, he wasn’t, etc. Some of those things might have been true but if you get stuck in this “adolescent” thought process you stunt your own growth!
In the first video, Kadena Tate and I discuss what’s really going on, what rumbles underneath, and what’s truly possible.
Were You Under the Influence of “Romantiganda?
Most of us go into marriage with somewhat starry eyes; we are in love bubbling over with a sense of how great it will be. Then, let’s say 20 years later, when the marriage comes to an end, we often land on the other side of the “love spectrum;” unhappy with him, complaining about him to him, and deeply disappointed.
So what happens in between? In this short video, extracted from our longer conversation, “It’s time to Stop the Blame Game,” Kadena Tate shares what she learned about her own starry eyed expectations, and her failure to clearly understand and communicate her needs.
Kadena’s friend, Eden Adele coined the term “Romantiganda” to describe how we get ourselves into trouble when we live in the fairy tale, and either tip-toe around our real needs, or fail to know and understand what they are in the first place.
Romantiganda: romantic propaganda, defined as misleading information used to socially promote points of view relative to romantic relationships.
Whether you have left your marriage, or are still in it, self-responsibility is the way through. This could “save you” before the whole thing breaks down, or help you see where you, too, might have been under the influence of Romantiganda. It’s worth a listen!