When you decide to take yourself off automatic pilot, when you build space around you by spending more time with and by yourself, you’re going to find yourself more discerning about who and what is healthy for you, or not. It happens quite naturally once you start paying attention.
It’s pretty simple, too.
Drains – NO
Neutral – Acceptable
Enhances – YES!
I’m 2/3 of the way through my “reboot” year, the year I carved out to distance myself geographically from my primary social network. I live in a small town right now, one with very few attractive attributes – for me. It’s about 30 miles away from my friend network, just far enough to keep my ass seated in my house 3-4 days a week, with no real place to go other than a local cafe that closes at 2:30 pm.
It’s not been easy. There have been days when I was so depressed, feeling isolated and stuck, that I felt like jumping out of my skin. This past month, especially, I have so wished my one-year lease was up and I could get out of here entirely. And then I remember. And remember again. I designed this retreat, and committed myself to a very specific purpose.
And it’s paying off. Something is happening. I’m noticing improved discernment. I’m learning to detect more easily, is it healthy for me or not?
Where I used to just connect with whomever was available and wanted to play with me (well, not quite that open, I did still have my no’s), I’m beginning to sense and detect what Drains, what is Neutral and what Enhances.
Make no mistake, this is a shedding process.
With improved discernment much of who and what you’ve attached yourself to will start to fall away.
And it will be scary, and you’ll wonder if you have made the biggest mistake in your life…
… If you’re going to end up being a wrinkled old crabby woman with no one the play with. (Yes, I have those thoughts!)
That’s just the mind, the aspect of you that attached itself to some form of social busyness so as to keep you from experiencing those internal nasty demon thoughts.
Discernment has its Rewards
Yes, there may be fewer people and projects in your life, but your life force will be strengthened. From this place of relative stillness, people will still show up. And those that do, the ones that are either neutral or enhance, they will be your external support system. Not from need, from the recognition of ease and joy.
And most importantly, you’ll also have yourself!
~~~ What about You? ~~~
Have you designed something similar to my Reboot year?
As you move further away from your marriage and into your next chapter, are you finding your ability to discern who and what is healthy for you improving?
What impact has that had? Will you tell us?