How Knowing your Top 5 Values Can Help you Stabilize

However you initially cope with the separation from your spouse, you are much more emotionally vulnerable than you are likely to realize at first. It makes sense. You left your union to establish your own course ... It may take a while to understand that you need to protect your energy and your personal space in ways you might not have needed to when married. Knowing your Values helps clarify ... who you will let in and who may not pass this way again.
Continue Reading

When my Marriage was Done I Knew I’d have to Deal my Inner Loser

You know those not-so-little quirks, the ones others don’t necessarily notice, but blare like loud obnoxious horns in your psyche when you least expect it? ... I have historically deemed myself a LOSER. Yes, deep in my being the loser soundtrack is playing. When I realized my marriage was done, I knew I would have to deal with this debilitating thought-feeling.
Continue Reading

Looking for “Home” after Separation or Divorce

As with any significant change in life circumstances, when you leave your long-term relationship, you move through distinct stages on the road to reclamation and recovery... You may have to contend with different emotional challenges, depending on who did the leaving, but in the end it’s all the same.
Continue Reading

Companionship after Divorce – Who will you Rely on Now?

When you are out on your own and navigating the early stages life after divorce you'll likely wake up one day and realize that you don't have that ‘always there’ person. This can be even more significant if you are not close to your family. There are several areas of life impacted by this fact. Today I’m focusing on one, your social community, your tribe.
Continue Reading

When my Ex Met Someone New my Security felt Threatened – Yuck!

Just when I think I got this … When I spoke to my ex on the phone recently, he took the opportunity to tell me he’d met someone - just the week before. He was a little clumsy about how he told me, letting me know that it wouldn’t change anything for a while. Wouldn’t change anything for a while!? Fear! Aloneness! All that arose again.
Continue Reading

Where is He When You Need Him? Old Habits Die Hard

When you and your ex were a couple it was natural for some life tasks to be "assigned" to the person with the better skills in that area. It certainly makes life easier, but it also creates potential weakness in yourself over time. You become dependent on that person to handle that thing.
Continue Reading

Random Acts of Kindness Not Just for Strangers

Like the term "self-empowerment," this whole Self-love thing is being talked about all over the place. But what is it, and why does it matter? It's about how we think and talk about ourselves, and also what we do with and for ourselves. How we think and talk about ourselves, is probably the most critical.
Continue Reading

Set Boundaries Like a Mo-Fu: Shouldn’t it Be Easier?

Self-Empowerment requires a certain level of assertiveness when it comes to what we will and won't accept in our various roles in life: at home, at work and in friendship. In other words, Boundaries! Boundaries point to what we require to be our best selves, to feel sufficiently safe and secure, and do our work in the world...
Continue Reading

Beware the Ageist Within

You don't have to be old to feel the influence of arbitrary age markers. In recent conversations with a couple of women clients, issues of age and future career dreams have come to the surface. I’ve been grappling with this myself, so I thought it worth exploring. The overriding fear/worry is that it’s “too late.”
Continue Reading

If I Put Myself First …

If I put myself first I will disappear, will be forgotten. I will disappoint the people I care about most. They will be hurt by my withdrawal, and exile me from their life. The guilt will overwhelm me. I will be alone and isolated, a forced imprisonment kind of feeling.
Continue Reading